In a world where social networks elevate sex to a mere show or a collection of experiences, many wonder: are there rules for a harmonious sex life? How does it vary according to age or gender? And above all, what are the consequences of turning sex into just another consumable?
Although there is no universal rule, studies show that most couples aged 18-44 have sex once a week or more, levelling out their well-being and satisfaction. According to Leigh Norénsex therapy coach, this weekly frequency is the "comfort zone". for the majority.
Other research suggests that 1-2 relationships a week boosts the immune system through an increase in immunoglobulin A. But stereotypes of 'normality' can damage one's self-esteemAs he warns Joy Berkheimer, therapist, comparing your sex life with that of others is "the thief of all joy".
Over time, desire changes. Studies of sexual satisfaction show that older cohorts tend to report lower levels, although intimacy remains vital to adjust to ageing with well-being. Sexual activity may decline after menopause or among the over-50s, but its relevance does not disappear. In terms of gender, there is no single pattern: some men maintain desire, while women show a greater focus on emotional connection after menopause.
Ritual versus spectacle: the current problem
The trivialisation of sex, as a trophy or an element of consumption, distances it from its intimate and spiritual dimension. The sex-positive movement stresses that sex should be consensual, respectful and emotionally meaningful, not content for 'likes'.". When sex is sought only to fill social voids, true bonds are lost; what should be a bonding ritual becomes a throwaway event.
Some guidelines for intimate wellness according to experts are:
- Communication without taboosExpressing desires, limits and fantasies improves confidence and reduces pressures.
- Diversifying intimacykissing, caressing and foreplay strengthen the bond without tying it to the sexual act.
- Space without dutieswhen sex becomes a "consumable" to fill the feed or fulfil social expectations, it loses its authentic emotional function.
- Health careany change in fluid, odour or pain should lead to consultation; intimate health is part of overall wellbeing.
Consequences of the sexual wellbeing: much more than pleasure
- Physicalweekly sex improves immune response and reduces stress.
- Emotionalpromotes connection, reduces anxiety and promotes emotional adjustment and stability throughout life.
- RelationalAvoid comparative dissatisfaction and the imposition of roles derived from the consumption of sexual experiences.
The secret to a fulfilling sex life lies not in strict frequency or exhibitionist variety, but in the shared ritualIt is an intimate, conscious, respectful and connected act. It is not a social obligation or a consumer metric, but a path to physical, emotional and spiritual well-being that evolves, adapts and nurtures with age and commitment.
Sex, when experienced well, can reinforce health and bonding. But if it is obsessively sought, trivialised or turned into a playful obligation, it runs the risk of becoming empty and disconnected.
1. Performance anxiety
When sex is experienced as a chore to be fulfilled, rigid expectations arise about "how it should be" and "how often". This can lead to anxiety, frustration and feelings of failure if the self-imposed or socially projected standard is not met.
Experts such as the psychologist Laurie Mintz They warn that turning sex into a chore "kills desire" because it introduces pressure, judgement and the need to perform rather than enjoy.
2. Emotional disconnection
By prioritising the physical act over the affective or spiritual bond, many people report feelings of emptiness afterwards, especially if they have encounters with strangers without prior connection. The practice loses symbolic charge and becomes mechanical.
3. Dysregulation of desire
Living sex as an obligation can cause a paradoxical effect: a decrease in real desire. Pleasure loses spontaneity and becomes something you "have to do", not something you feel.
4. Affected self-esteem
Comparing oneself to others (what is seen on networks, what is presumed among friends) can make many people feel inadequate, "failed" or "abnormal" for not being sexually active or diverse.
The main causes of an unsatisfactory sex life include:
1. Psycho-somatic problemsstress and pressure in the sexual sphere can manifest itself as:
- Erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation
- Pain during sex (dyspareunia)
- Loss of lubrication or spontaneous desire
2. Hormonal imbalanceLack of genuine desire can alter the response of the parasympathetic nervous system, which regulates arousal. By forcing situations that do not connect emotionally, the oxytocin and dopamine circuit is not activated as in desired and pleasurable sex.
Why this anxiety to have sex "at all costs"?
- Social and cultural pressure
We live in a hyper-sexualised culture, where having sex is associated with personal success, youth, seductive power or social validation. Not having sex or having "little" sex is considered a failure, when in reality everyone has different rhythms. - Social networks and apps
Platforms such as Instagram or Tinder reinforce a narrative of immediacy, quick gratification and "collecting" experiences. This contributes to the idea that sex is a metric of status rather than a form of connection. - Emotional disengagement
In some cases, sex is used to fill emotional voids, to cover up loneliness or to seek external affirmation. The act becomes an escape route or an emotional "bargaining chip", which can lead to cycles of emotional dependency. - Economics of experience
The logic of "live everything", "try everything" has permeated intimate life. As if having multiple partners or extreme sexual experiences were synonymous with authenticity or freedom, when it often responds more to external pressure than to inner desire.
Having sex out of obligation, for comparison or to comply with a socially imposed "playful norm" can lead to emotional fatigue, disconnection from oneself, low self-esteem and loss of real pleasure. Reframing sexuality as an intimate, voluntary, emotionally safe and spiritually connected experience restores sex to its integrative power in overall well-being.
